The Teacher Burnout Podcast

Episode #48 Teach. Burnout Pod.
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In today's episode, I'm going to share how you can handle conflict confidently. That's all coming up next right here on the Teacher Burnout Podcast, so stay tuned.
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Welcome to the Teacher Burnout Podcast, where we explore the challenges of burnout for teachers and share practical strategies to support teacher well being. I'm your host, Barb Flowers. If you're a teacher looking for ways to prevent burnout or an educational leader searching for strategies to support your team, this podcast is for you.
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the podcast. Today I want to talk about how you can handle conflict in a confident way. [00:01:00] The problem is that many people try to avoid conflict.
Conflict is not a bad thing. I think often we associate it with being such a bad thing and we avoid it as much as we can, but. Conflict is really just a difference of opinion or a disagreement with somebody else. And if you think about it, that's part of the human experience. We're not all going to have the same opinions and agree on everything.
I couldn't even imagine working in a place where everybody had the same opinions and everyone agreed. And trust me, I've thought about this as a leader a lot. And if we worked in a situation where everybody agreed, there would be no room for growth. There would be no growth, no new ideas, because everybody would just agree, and that's not a good thing.
Conflict is good because it helps us to grow, it helps us to think differently, and see other people's perspective. I know many teachers that I work with, they don't want to deal with conflict. They want everything to be peaceful.
And I [00:02:00] totally understand. Until I became a principal, I had a really hard time with difficult conversations and dealing with conflict. But I've learned over time that conflict is a really good thing. It's healthy, and it does help us grow. I think , often with conflict, what happens is we take things so personally, and that's on both sides when we're talking to somebody.
And then it doesn't feels like a personal attack when really it's just a difference of opinion or a disagreement about your opinion. So we need to think about that when we're thinking about conflict , we don't want to take conflict personally. So I wanted to share just some good quotes that I found on conflict.
Harriet Lerner says conflict can and should be handled constructively when it is relationships benefit. Conflict avoidance is not the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it's a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication.
And Gandhi said peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. And Kenneth [00:03:00] Cloak says, Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can be a source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation, and growth, or rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance.
The choice is not up to our opponents, it But to us and to our willingness to face and work through them. And I loved all of these quotes because really what it's saying is that conflict is so important. And just because there's no conflict doesn't mean there's peace, right? Just because nobody's talking about the conflict does not mean that there's not an undercurrent of conflict happening.
And so having those conversations where you actually talk about people's opinions and talk about people's disagreements is going to make a healthier culture and environment, especially if you're on the same team and you're collaborating together, it's really important that you can handle conflict and you know how to work with conflict in a constructive way and in a confident way where you don't feel scared or [00:04:00] worried.
or doubt yourself and your ability to talk to someone about your opinions and have a real conversation about it. So we're going to dive right into some strategies I have for handling conflict with confidence. First I want you to think about what you really care about and is it worth the conflict?
So the idea of picking your battles. Identifying core issues that You know, are worth having a conflict about and avoiding engaging in every conflict that comes your way, because there's a lot of controversial topics in education or a lot of opinions in education. And I always say it's important that you pick what matters most to you.
And those are the ones that you fight for. Because if you're fighting for everything in education, really, you're fighting for nothing because there's so many things and you need to know what's important to you and what is worth having conflict about and what is worth
engaging your opinions about. So knowing what those things are can be really beneficial to you. So for me, [00:05:00] in collaborating with others, I have certain things that really matter to me. Things like the science of reading and PBIS.
Those are topics that are really important to me. So that would be worth having a conversation that could end up in conflict or seem like a hard conversation.
You really have to pick what those are, because if you're fighting about everything, then people will just look at you as someone who wants to have conflict about every single topic. So pick your battles, know what is worth fighting for.
Also, make sure you're listening to others opinions and trying to understand them. So when you're having a conflict with someone or a heated discussion, you want to make sure that you're actively listening without interrupting. It's so common that we want, we're listening and we want to interrupt, and we're just listening for what we We're going to say next instead of actually understanding someone's perspective.
We really want to seek to understand what the other person is trying to tell us and validate their feelings and acknowledge what they're saying. [00:06:00] So even if we don't agree, we can say things like, I hear you're saying and explain what you hear them saying that way. They at least know you're listening and you're trying to understand what they're telling you.
Another strategy is to not focus on being right.
It's not okay to approach a conflict with the goal of being right. The goal of a conflict or a disagreement is finding a solution, not proving your point. You need to be open to ideas from other people.
You need to be open to multiple perspectives. That is going to help you grow. That is going to help change happen, whether it's in your PLC or your grade level, whatever that is, or with another teacher. If you're always focused on being right and it being your way, It's not going to be the best way because we know that it takes lots of ideas together and collaboration to make the best things.
I do not always have the best ideas. The best ideas come from collaborating with multiple teachers, listening, and using [00:07:00] their ideas. So don't focus on being right, but instead focus on learning. What is the solution to what you're trying to fix? Another strategy is don't get caught up in things you can't control.
Recognize the difference between what you can change and what is beyond your control. I think sometimes in education we get caught up in conflicts. That might be something around a state initiative or something that is a district initiative that we have no control over. So as a teacher, you're upset and you might be arguing with somebody and at the end of the day, you have no control over that situation.
And so you're starting conflict and being upset and putting energy and effort into something. that's not going to make a difference. It's not going to change. This goes along with picking your battles. Don't start conflict with everything because then you're fighting for nothing, so you need to make sure that you're picking those battles and you're not getting upset about everything going on in the building.[00:08:00]
Another strategy is to keep your emotions under control. It's hard when we, it's hard when we react out of emotion, to keep ourselves under control and really listen to other's perspectives and then not attack people or take things personal on our end. So you need to practice staying calm, practice being composed, even when things get really heated.
And this is a hard skill to have, but you want to use techniques such as deep breathing, taking a time out and saying, Hey, I'm getting emotional here. Let's have this conversation later. This can even work with a parent. If a parent is getting escalated and, you know, trying to kind of fight with you or disagree with you, it's a good time to say, Hey, I can tell your emotions are getting high.
Let's have this conversation later. And that works with colleagues too, because when your emotions run high, you're not even thinking logically anymore. You're going to be thinking out of emotion and that's not going to bring any healthy solution to your problem. to the table. So make sure that you're [00:09:00] keeping your emotions under control.
And if you notice that they're getting out of control, you step back, take a break, and schedule that conversation to happen at a later time. Another strategy is to have clear communication. You really want to make sure that you strive for clear, concise communication that gets your point across accurately and clearly.
And keep it simple because Our brains, when we are in this stressed out space or when we're in a disagreement, , we make things complicated. So the more simple you can make it when you're disagreeing, the better. Use I statements to express how you feel about the situation so that you're not placing blame.
For example, you might say, I feel like, and then whatever you're feeling about that situation. If you're having a disagreement with a colleague, maybe about an instructional strategy, you could say, I feel like when I'm in my classroom, that instructional strategy doesn't always work for me.
Tell me about how it works for you. So that could be a way you're [00:10:00] disagreeing about that instructional strategy, but you're listening and just saying how it doesn't work for you. Versus you always say it works and I've never seen it work. You know, you want to use I statements so that you're taking that blame.
You also want to just make sure that you're very clear about what you're trying to say. I see a lot of conflict happens when there's just miscommunication and people Might even be fighting or arguing about the same thing. It's just not clear. So if you go into a conversation that you have planned, make sure you plan out kind of the bullet points of what you want to say so that you're being very clear and intentional.
And like I said, keep it simple, keep it direct so that it comes across exactly what you want. In the way that you want it to come across. Another strategy is to seek common ground. So always look for areas of agreement that can serve as a foundation for resolving differences. And this is a great strategy in PLCs.
If there's conflict over data or something that's happening, look for those [00:11:00] agreements that you have as a PLC. Look for that common ground, what you've used before and what everybody agrees on. Maybe an agreement is just that we all want what's best for kids. Right. Maybe that's the common agreement, the common knowledge here.
I know that you're saying one thing and I'm saying a different thing, but at the end, we all just want what's best for kids. So identifying that and agreeing on that is really going to help put that common ground there so that, you know, you have mutual interests and goals at stake and it, Shifts the focus from instead of being conflict and disagreement to more cooperation.
Let's find a way for it to work for kids. Another strategy is to practice empathy. So you want to try to see the situation from the other person's point of view, recognizing that everybody's point of view is different based on their feelings and experiences. We all go into situations with our own perspectives because of the experiences and feelings that we have.
So make sure you have empathy for that person because. [00:12:00] colleagues or parents or whoever you might be having a hard conversation with, they have different experiences and perspectives than you. You know, parents, I always like to think they don't have the experience of being in a school like I have.
I've been in a school now for 14 years and so I think differently about situations because I'm an educator and I'm in the school where parents don't have that experience and that perspective. So I have to remember that when I'm talking to them and telling them stories or when I'm telling them something about their child that I remember what it feels like to be a parent who has no idea what's going on in the school.
I need to have that empathy. And having empathy can just decrease tension and then have a more collaborative environment where people are working towards that same goal. And then the last tip I have for you is sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. Accepting that it's okay to not agree with everyone on everything.
So respecting that people are going to [00:13:00] have differences in opinions and that's okay. And just saying, Hey, we're not getting anywhere with this conversation. We're going to have to agree to disagree and you move on. And again, not holding that conversation against that person or going and telling other people about that conversation, just saying we agree to disagree, finding a respectful way to coexist and move on and understand that everybody is not going to have the same opinions that you have.
So those are some strategies that you can use if you get into a difficult conversation that becomes heated. And you just want to handle it with confidence and know that you're sure of yourself. I hope you try some of those strategies. If you do try something, make sure to reach out to me and tell me.
I love hearing how people use things that we talk about in the podcast.
I also want to give five power phrases for dealing with conflict. And I love power phrases because if you're going into a conflict or you're going into a difficult situation, telling yourself power phrases can really shift your mindset
[00:14:00] because we have the power to decide who we become. And
the more we tell ourselves things that relate to the person we want to become, that is what is going to happen. So if you have power phrases that talk about conflict in a positive way and you as handling conflict well, it is going to make you a person who handles conflict well.
So some power phrases you can use. I handle conflicts well. I listen and learn from others. Winning arguments isn't my goal. I see conflict as a chance to grow and I value every perspective. So if you tell yourself those power phrases, it is going to help you actually believe them and then show that in your heart conversations that you have.
I hope that you find those helpful. I will put those power phrases in the show notes as well. So you can look back at those. Thank you so much for joining me today on another episode of the teacher burnout podcast. If you're interested in one on one coaching, I would love the opportunity to book a free [00:15:00] consult where we talk about your goals and how I can help and support you grow to be the best version of yourself.
And if you love the show, if you're listening on Apple, scroll down in your app and leave a review. Keep in mind, you have the power to shape your life according to the mindset you choose. I hope you have a great week and I'll see you back here next time.